A Deer Caught in Headlights

For almost five years, I was a business analyst for a well-known food manufacturing company in my country. I received constant praises from my colleagues and superiors. In my five years in the company, I received five awards inluding one that merits being included in a prestigious group of achievers called the General Manager’s LEAGUE. I was great at my job. I was one of the best. I loved it, too. It was never perfect and I was happy with that. But somehow, I knew I could be happier.

Cue in the present.

I am now three months in after having quit.

I feel like a deer caught in headlights.

I have taken that big, bold step of crossing the road. I was so sure of it. I couldn’t exist in that side of the forest anymore. And there was no other way but to go to the other side no matter how dark and scary the road was in between. This was it! My one big move. THE gamechanger. My very own leap of faith.

But now, I am in the middle of the road, caught by the bright light of that approaching car, and unsure of what to do. A million thoughts are running in my head right now.

What should I do?

What have I done?

Why did I do this?

What made me think I could even do this?

Should I go back? No. I probably shouldn’t. There is no life back there for me anymore. I have nothing to go back to, not the kind of life I yearn for. I could make it work. I could always make it work. The thing is, I don’t want to. Not anymore.

Should I just stay here? No! That would be foolish. What use could it be to stay suspended, to be neither here nor there, to just stop and stay in between?

I should definitely continue moving forward.

But I’m scared. What if it isn’t what I hoped it would be? What if I fail?

And I’m exhausted. Nothing ever seems to happen. I haven’t even seem to have made a dent in what I want to accomplish.

Wait. Here I go again with all these negativity. I have to stop this.

I have been through a lot of things before. I have had challenges I thought I would never get through. I have made it through a lot worse. And here I am, much stronger and a lot wiser than before.

So, for now, I would start thinking more positively. My past have been nothing but a story of personal triumphs and valuable lessons. It has always been a reminder that there is always something good in every situation. So, what is there to be scared of?

For now, I would celebrate even the tiniest of successes. No matter how small, every action Is bringing me towards my dream. Also, with every action is a lesson: a lesson about the universe or myself. And that is not nothing.

For now, I would remind myself that it is not supposed to be easy. There would always be struggles and challenges along the way. They are there to separate the good from the great. They are there to make it all the more fulfilling in the end.

For now, I would believe in myself. I am amazing. I have been given the greatest of gifts. I am a miracle created with love, with His love. I can do anything.

For now, I would take another step. And take another after that. I would continue to charge forward. Along the way, I know there are times that I would falter and fall. But then, I would remind myself that as long as I continue moving forward, I would get to where I want to be eventually.

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