I was exhausted. I just wanted to get away from it all. So, I left my job. I left the city. I left the life I was so used to. In the process, I didn’t realize that I left the good things, too.
I was starting to drift away from my faith.
I used to go to church every Sunday. And I’d leave with His love and reminders that I was full of goodness. But as I was trying to rebuild my life and failing every time, I didn’t feel good enough. I didn’t feel worthy enough to be in His presence. I’d tell myself I’d go as soon as I was doing better. I’d go as soon as I was feeling better.
The more I postponed going, the more I felt that nothing was happening. So, I changed my thinking and just decided to finally attend Sunday mass.
As I was sitting there, it felt familiar and awkward at the same time. It felt real and surreal. Then, out of nowhere, the head commentator appeared in front of me. She was giving me a white candle to light the 2nd candle in the Advent wreath. It felt weird but I obliged.
The sermon went on about being in the desert and times in our lives when nothing is happening. The priest preached about how there is a lesson to learn in everything, a lesson to learn in abundance the same way there is a lesson in scarcity, a lesson to learn in hardships and in a smooth flowing journey. He said that deserts come and go and are a part of life. It is during those times that we realize who we can count on, our Father who loves us dearly.
When it was time, I lit the candle as if to signify the end of the dark desert in my life. I was ready. I was ready for the light, the hope, the warmth. I felt good. I felt loved.
I looked up. Nice one, Lord. Thank you for the warm welcome back.